The Me's Talk To and About Therapist

I actually had two more conversations after that first one with Little Me. Again, these were out-loud talks. What is it about that? About speaking aloud? I think maybe it is practice. Practice taking those dark fears and deep yearnings out of the shadows of one’s mind. Exposing them, giving light to them, shaking them out like an old rug, then saying, hmm… what have we got here?

What scares you, Little Me? I reply to the T in my mind: I am afraid you will leave me, you will abandon me, you will hurt me like the others. I’m scared I’ll become attached to you and you’ll take everything you know about me and use it to hurt me. You’ll destroy me. Then I’ll feel trapped, glued to you by the attachment with the only possible escape being to kill myself. Is that what happened with your parents, the T in my mind asks. Yes, whispers Little Me, and others too.

Then Scared Me and Rational Me talk about T.

SM: She’ll smirk and judge.

RM: She has listened with nothing but compassion.

SM: She’ll lie.

RM: You did both agree at the outset to be honest.

SM: She won’t be there for me.

RM: She has been there for you: appointments, texts, phone calls.

SM: But she did cancel one appointment.

RM: She told you she had the flu. Do you trust that?
SM: It’s hard to.

RM: Well, she has been supportivly responsive to texts and phone calls.

SM: It’s early. She won’t be that way later.

RM: Maybe. But maybe she’s not like the others.

We talked a long time, SM and RM.

I am here for the journey. I want to see new things.

My biggest fear is doing the same things 10 years from now. That would be a failure. It's something you have to constantly reassess, and asking yourself what you are going to do next makes it a good, long fully journey.  -George Clooney

Go safely -