Pay Attention - It Matters

The triangle with the exclamation point inside lit up big and red on the dashboard this morning. Hmmm, I thought, I don’t think that’s supposed to happen. The dashboard display was dark, but the car seemed to be on. Hard to tell, though, since the hybrid Prius is silent running on battery alone.

Sitting in the car in the garage, I pulled out the manual to decode the symbol. Turning from page to page, see this, see that, refer to such-and-such a section, I finally found a limited explanation. The one sentence description was long, the punctuation confusing and I couldn’t quite decipher the meaning. Was this a fatal event or a simple warning? I pushed the power button to turn off the car. Then pushed it again to restart. No red triangle. Good, I thought, nothing’s wrong.

I used the same judgment process with my old therapist. In one of our inaugural session, I asked T about email. I wanted to establish the boundaries of our communication up-front. T hesitated, then said okay, couched in a significant limitation. I heard “yes,” the desired response, but ignored the disbelief I felt regarding her limitation. The first wedge of distrust was planted before we’d even established the ground rules. Wedges, by their very definition, are triangular. They start small and widen. It wasn’t a big red light, but it was a warning that I didn’t heed.

Within six months, I had accumulated other concerns and disbeliefs about oldT. At the same time, though, I was exposing my warts, sharing my soul, telling my secrets. There were things I liked about oldT. My attachment grew. At the same time my connection was deepening, my distrust was widening. The relationship ended; it had too. But by then it had turned into a train wreck.

The signals wouldn’t be there if they didn’t mean something. Pay attention.

The more I pay attention to what's going on inside, the more I realize that how I feel, and how I react to what I feel, really creates my reality. And the more in touch I can be, the better chance I have to control what's happening in my life.  -Ricky Williams

Are you paying attention?